


slipping off the course that we prepared

by their_dark_materials



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Almost Kiss, Almost naked Robert Sugden, And pantsless Robert Sugden, Canon Compliant, Deleted Scenes, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, Post-Canon, Shirtless Robert Sugden, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Tension, Vulnerable Robert Sugden
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 13:33:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13502540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/their_dark_materials/pseuds/their_dark_materials
Summary: Without bothering to knock or even ring the bell, he heads straight inside, past the coat rack and into the living room.… where he’s met with the mostly naked form of Robert Jacob Sugden, who’s currently stretched out on the couch, clad in only a pair of navy blue boxer-briefs that leave very little to the imagination.Or, the fix-it fic where Aaron meets a shirtless (and pantsless) Robert after all.





	slipping off the course that we prepared

_“Just don’t. Don’t, okay? I’m not in for a chat.”_

_"Okay. I’ll bring your pint over.”_    


:::::

 

He pours Robert a glass of orange juice — Aaron’s noticed that it’s become his drink of choice ever since Christmas — almost as soon as he asks for it, his gaze trailing after the blonde man as he makes his way to a table in the back corner of the pub. More than his verbal brush off, it’s the state of his ex-husband’s physical being that clues him into the fact that maybe he _isn’t_ coping quite as well with fatherhood as Aaron had thought he would. He’s almost about to take Robert his juice when he decides that maybe the man could _also_ do with an actual pint of beer.

“Belle, you mind stepping back here for a moment?” He asks nodding towards where he’s standing with drinks in both hands.

“I’m off to find Lachlan, but maybe Gerry could help ya?” The younger woman gets off the stool where she’s perched, flashes Aaron an apologetic expression and makes her way out the door.

Aaron turns to Gerry who’s looking back at him expectantly, with the ever so _slightest_ glimmer of hope in his eyes. The older man considers it.

“Alright, but it’s _just_ for a minute,” he cautions.

Gerry’s face bursts into a big bright grin — a far cry from the glum expression he’d been wearing a second earlier.

“Always fancied havin’ me own pub someday. Nice to get in some practice.”

Aaron shakes his head and rolls his eyes good-naturedly, before moving to step out from around the bar and letting Gerry take his place.

“Glasses. Beer. Juice. Register.” He indicates the location of everything with short nods.

Satisfied by Gerry’s enthusiastic nod, he makes his way towards Robert, drinks in hand.  
 

:::::

 It’s only standing up close that he realises just how _exhausted_ the man in front of him looks. He barely even clocks Aaron’s presence as he places the juice and alcohol in front of him, his unfocused eyes just staring at the table in front of him. Not even _Cain_ looked so tired after a day with Isaac — and he’d barely known how to change a nappy when he’d first got him.  

“When was the last time you slept?” Aaron asks, unable to stop himself.

That prompts Robert to finally look over and acknowledge his presence.

“I said I’m not in for a chat,” the older man reiterates.

“I know,” Aaron responds, feeling slightly huffy as he does so. “I’m just checking up on ya.”

“Thanks, but I’m doing okay.”

Normally Aaron would leave well enough alone, knowing when to take a hint, but Robert looks absolutely knackered, more so than Aaron has ever seen him before. So he pushes. 

“You don’t look okay.”

“Well I am, so you can leave it.” 

He almost does, not wanting to push the man in front of him more than necessary. Especially when he’s using a tone he usually reserves for Vic (only when he’s especially annoyed at her), Diane, and _Doug_. But _that’s_ when he spots it.

“Is that why you’re still wearin’ your favourite shirt, even though Seb’s clearly vommed all over it?”

Instantly Robert’s attention turns towards his shirt, as he attempts to inspect it.

“Thought I’d got it all out,” he murmurs to himself as he grabs a paper napkin and attempts to dab at it.

“Tell me again how you’re ‘doin’ okay.’” Aaron states, crossing his arms.

Robert fixes him with firm look, before his expression crumbles and he looks to the side.

“Fine, I’m not,” he admits. “I don’t know what I’m doin’ alright? He just keeps peeing and pooing and _throwing up_. And no matter what I do he _just won’t sleep_.”

He lets out a dejected sigh. “I can’t do this on my own. Rebecca needs to wake up. Seb needs a mother.”

Aaron glances back at the bar. There aren’t any new customers and nobody’s in need of a refill anytime soon. Gerry’s just standing there, repeatedly attempting to flip the cloth they use to wipe down the bar onto his shoulder in an effort to look cool. Reassured, he pulls out the chair opposite Robert and takes a seat.

“Yeah, well no one said fatherhood would be easy.” He says gently. “What did you think would happen if Rebecca let you share custody?”

“I was going to ask for two days a week,” Robert mumbles, his voice small. His eyes are back on Aaron.

“Yeah, and then _she_ would have wound up doin’ most of the work you’re doin’ right now,” Aaron points out. Seeing the expression of realization on the older man’s face at that observation, he softens his stance and adds, “Look, Seb doesn’t need anything other than for you to try your best. And you are. So give yourself a break.”

Robert gives him small smile. “Thanks.”

Aaron smiles back.

“And you’re not alone,” he says, reassuringly. “Vic and Diane’ll help you. They already are. Even Doug.”

He lets out a snort at the expression of disdain on Robert’s face as even in a state of exhaustion he can’t seem to hold back his feelings for the older man. But then his expression gets a tad more serious.

“But seriously Robert. You need to start taking better care of yourself,” Aaron advises, just as gently as before. “You won’t be able to take care of Seb if you keep goin’ on like this.”

Robert’ gets a sober look on his face as he nods and looks away again.

“I know,” he whispers insistently.

“Then why don’t you finish yer juice and go back and get some sleep,” Aaron says. “I’ve got to go relieve Gerry before he starts attemptin’ to reenact _Cocktail_.”

That elicits a chuckle from Robert, no doubt thinking back to the time when they’d both watched that movie after Aaron had said he’d never seen it, only for the night to end with Robert showing off his fancy bartending skills by making them a bunch of cocktails he’d invented. ( _“Mmm. Not sure what you’re doin’ workin’ at Home James. You could be makin’ a fortune at Bar West.” “And keep gettin’ hit on all night? No thanks.” “All night?_ Someone _thinks highly of themselves.” “Judgin’ by your_ pants _, I’m not the only one.”_ )

The memory brings a slight blush to Aaron’s face.

Robert nods his assent. “Thanks.”

He isn’t sure if what happens next is borne of a need to offer comfort, give reassurance, or simply an act of friendship, but Aaron reaches out and squeezes Robert’s forearm. If the older man is surprised he doesn’t show it. He just gives Aaron a grateful smile that the younger man is quick to return. A few seconds later Aaron awkwardly retracts his hand, gets up and walks back to the bar, his hand casually dangling at his side.

It’s only when he’s behind the bar that he slowly flexes his hand, still unable to shake the feeling of solid muscle he’d made out through the puffy coat sleeve.

He doesn’t notice his phone buzz with a new text from Alex.  


:::::

 

It’s three hours later before Chas finally returns to the pub, followed by a pink-faced Paddy.

“ _Finally_ ,” he half-growls, half-exclaims, as he walks around her while she slides in behind the bar. (Paddy goes to grab a stool on the other side. He gives him a fond smile accompanied by a quiet, “Hey Aaron.”)

“Oi, you. I’m allowed to have some fun every once in a while,” she chides him. She then looks over at Paddy and gives him a flirtatious wink and a smile. “ _A lot_ of fun.”

Aaron makes a face at this, both embarrassed by his mother’s insistence on PDA and mildly disgusted by the thought of her and Paddy having sex. (At least the man in question has the politeness to turn a nice shade of beetroot and look embarrassed — if not also a little pleased with himself.)

But all thoughts of parental inappropriateness are wiped out of his head when he gets a call from none other than _Robert_.

He answers it immediately, knowing that the only reason the older man would ever call him is in case of an emergency.

“Hello, Robert?” He asks, his voice urgent as he steps out of the pub.

There’s no response on the other end of the line.

“Robert, is everything alright?”

Again, no response.

So he does the only logical thing he can in this situation. He heads across the street to Keeper’s.  
 

:::::

 

The front door is slightly open when he arrives, which only fuels his worry further. Without bothering to knock or even ring the bell, he heads straight inside, past the coat rack and into the living room…

… where he’s met with the mostly naked form of Robert Jacob Sugden, who’s currently stretched out on the couch, clad in only a pair of navy blue boxer-briefs that leave _very_ little to the imagination.

(Not that Aaron’s imagination _needs_ much prodding. Despite the many emotional ups and downs of their relationship, they’d had _quite_ the active sex life. He _still_ can’t look at certain parts of the village without blushing furiously. Of course, it doesn’t help that Robert is dressed exactly the same as he used to be for bed when they were living together — right down to the well-loved Stephen King paperback in his hands.)

The older man looks up over his copy of _It_ and makes eye contact with Aaron, instantly causing his mouth to go dry and his jaw to drop as a sudden wave of _want_ comes over him (no doubt a lingering side effect of their previous relationship) as he instantly relives several different nights over the course of their relationship, when he’d enter their bedroom only to find Robert Sugden bare-chested, legs sprawled and sat back, slowly checking him out before shooting him a suggestive look. 

After a few minutes of silent staring, Aaron finally finds himself able to say, “You rang?”

He keeps his voice low, not wanting to wake up a sleeping Seb (also in a similar state of undress — though with a baby blanket to keep him warm), and holds up his phone to underscore his point. “I answered, but you didn’t say anything. So I thought I’d come check on you. See if everything’s okay.”

Judging by his relaxed pose Aaron would wager that Robert’s doing _more_ than okay at the moment. But he also knows that it was only a couple of hours ago that the man in front of him had shown up at the pub looking like he was at his wit's end.

For his part, Robert’s brows are furrowed and he sits up, depositing the book on the coffee table next to him and running his hand down the back of the couch cushions only to retrieve his phone a few minutes later. Sure enough, there’s a call to Aaron on there.

“Sorry,” he says, giving the younger man a sheepish smile. “It must have fallen back there when I was sorting out the washing. Thought I’d get a load in before _this_ _one_ wakes up. Neither of us has _any_ clean clothes left.”

“I was wonderin’ what was goin’ on here,” Aaron says, keeping his tone light and his eyes focused on Robert’s face instead of letting them drift to his well-defined chest and arms. (He’s always been sensitive to the sight of the older man’s naked torso, but somehow their break up has only magnified it further. After all, when their relationship had been good, it had been _very_ good.) He gestures vaguely with one hand at Robert’s body. “This whole _Tarzan_ look is a little informal for ya.”

If Robert’s embarrassed by the reference he doesn’t show it. Instead, he effortlessly lobs back a playful tease of his own. “Yeah, well I’m not taking fashion advice from someone who owns a _formal hoodie_.”

“I never said it was formal,” Aaron corrects. “Just called it my nicest one.”

Robert shoots him an easy grin. “I rest my case.”

“Not sure it’s much of a case if the person makin’ it feels underdressed if he’s wearing anything other than a three-piece suit,” Aaron retorts.

“There’s nothing wrong with making an effort to look nice,” Robert argues good-naturedly. “ _You_ might want to try it some time.”

He feels his face grow warm as he’s flooded with memories of Robert in various articles of his clothing (old hoodies on the rare occasion the older man fell ill, different t-shirts on days he’s doing laundry, and once even a pair of _Aaron’s_ boxers as he snuck downstairs to make them both cups of tea). But Aaron bites his tongue before he replies with a _“Didn’t seem to bother you when you were wearing them.”_

Instead, he manages to coolly (and somewhat sarcastically) ask, “Oh I’m sorry. Didn’t realise there was a dress code for bein’ ya friend.”

“You say ‘dress code,’ I say ‘public service,’” Robert jokes back. Though his grin does dim a little as a hint of guilt enters his expression. “But seriously Aaron, thanks. For now, and for the chat earlier. It really helped.”

“Good,” Aaron nods, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “You look better now.”

Realising the slight suggestiveness of what he’s said, he quickly amends his previous statement. “I mean, you look better _rested_ now. You were in a right state earlier.”

“Funny what a few hours of sleep can do you for you,” Robert explains, still not making an effort to cover himself up. Not that Aaron expects him to. Modesty has never really been a problem for the older man — especially when he looks the way _he_ does naked.

Aaron notes with some relief that Robert isn’t going to bring up the _speed_ with which he rushed here. Instead, his attention seems to have wandered over to his sleeping son. His expression growing a lot more somber.

“I don’t know how my dad did it,” he says quietly. “Seb’s the same age _I_ was when my mum died.”

“Well, my _first_ mum,” he adds a few seconds later, his voice even softer like there’s a chance Sarah might hear him in the afterlife and get upset. “You know, _she_ was killed in an accident as well.”

Aaron nods, remembering Robert telling him this around the anniversary of Pat’s death two years ago. He’d been quiet and distant all afternoon, only opening up late at night, with a whispered, “My mum died today. And I barely remembered.” He’d shed a few tears, Aaron holding him tight the entire time before they’d both finally drifted off to sleep. He’d have thought the whole thing a dream, if not for the kiss Robert had given him the morning after, all soft, lingering, and tender — like he was trying to convey his gratitude _and_ memorise Aaron’s lips at the same time. 

Aaron feels silly for not realising sooner that this was about _more_ than just Robert’s misplaced guilt for the accident. Not only has he been involved in _two_ car accidents in the span of a few weeks, but Rebecca’s condition is bringing up all his feelings regarding Pat and how he’d never had a chance to really get to know her. It certainly explains why he insists on waiting by her hospital bedside, Seb in tow, a desperate attempt to give the infant a chance at forming _some_ kind of memories of his mother. 

The realisation brings with it a pang of guilt as Aaron thinks about his own reaction the day before, when he’d basically just yelled at Robert for his kidnapping Seb and placing himself in a situation where he could have been seriously injured or worse, lost his life ( _again_ ) — all because he couldn’t leave things up to the law.

 _When has Robert Sugden_ ever _left it up to the law?_ His mind supplies before reminding him of Robert’s actions during Gordon’s trial.

Brushing his thoughts aside, Aaron takes a seat next to Robert, placing a hand on his bare back and slowly starting to rub it in circular motions, a gesture he knows has a calming effect on the blonde. (He also does his best to suppress the shiver that goes through him at their making skin to skin contact for the first time in a long, _long_ time.) 

“Robert, you can’t keep thinking like that,” he advises. “Rebecca might pull through, and then you’ll have to deal with all kinds of mediation and custody arrangements.”

He hopes that thoughts of the long road ahead will lighten Robert’s mood or at least shift his focus slightly.

“But what if she _doesn’t_ ,” Robert insists.

“Well, then you have to focus on what you want Seb to know or remember about her,” he offers, before gently asking, “What would _you_ want to know about yours?”

There’s a long pause — with Aaron perfectly content to keep rubbing Robert’s back — before the older man whispers, “ _Everything_.”

He doesn’t need to see his face to know that Robert’s eyes are filled with tears as he continues, “I always wondered if she’d like me now. If she’d be proud- If _they_ ’d be proud of me.”

Aaron’s heart breaks at his words, just like it did among the trees all those months ago.

“ _Of course_ they would,” he insists. “Look at Vic. She _knows_ ya and she’s still dead proud of ya. So’s Diane.”

When his joke doesn’t quite land, he doubles down. “You know I heard them talkin’ in the pub earlier and they were both sayin’ how impressed they both are with the way you’ve stepped up. They may not be Pat and Sarah, but they’re your family and that still counts for somethin’.”

He almost adds that _he’s_ proud of him too. But he knows that it’s not what Robert needs right now.

“And besides,” he continues a second later, following a last-second hunch. “You’re nothin’ like Jack. And you’re already a better father than him.”

Robert turns his head to look at him, his eyes searching Aaron’s face. But the younger man holds firm, pausing his clockwise rubs. “Would you have a problem if Seb realises he’s gay, or bisexual?”

The older man silently shakes his head.

“Exactly,” Aaron says, offering it up as proof. “Your son’s gonna grow up knowing that it’s okay for him to love _anyone_ he wants to and that _you’ll_ be okay with it. That’s not nothin’. I know we’d _both_ have given anythin’ to have that when _we_ were kids.”

Robert turns away again, nodding at Aaron’s words. Aaron resumes his rubbing.

“So stop thinkin’ about whether you’ll turn out like your dad,” the younger man continues. “And start focusin’ on becoming the kind of dad _you_ wish you’d had.”

They sit in a comfortable silence, the only real movement being Aaron’s hand before Robert reaches up to wipe the unshed tears from his face. “Thanks.”

He lets out a dry chuckle before turning to Aaron. “Sorry I keep makin’ you do this.”

“Do what?” Aaron asks him, a little confused. He stops moving his hand again.

“You know… Keep havin’ to give me these pep talks.” Robert mumbles, clearly embarrassed that he’s needed _three_ talking-tos in one day. “I _can_ do this. It’s just...”

“It’s a lot all at once,” Aaron finishes his thought. “And it’s like I said in the pub. You’ve got Vic and you’ve got Diane. As long as you take care of yourself as well, you’ll be fine.”

He completes one last rub, before giving Robert a pat and moving his hand.

“And maybe start with a shower,” he says getting to his feet. “Because I didn’t want to say anythin’ earlier, but your clothes aren’t the only thing that needs a wash.”

Robert lets out a low chuckle at that. The sound finds Aaron right in the gut, bringing with it memories of both men in the Woolpack’s upstairs shower (Robert whispering in his ear so as to not let Chas know what they’re up to) and later at Keeper’s (Robert leaning on the edge of the tub, asking if Aaron would like some help “washing behind his ears”). He swallows and shakes his head in an effort to dispel the intruding thoughts.

“I was waitin’ for Vic to get home so there’d be someone to watch Seb. You know, just in case.”

He manages to focus on Robert’s face.

And again, he isn’t sure if it’s friendship or support, or the fact that Robert Sugden is sat in front of him with only one real item of clothing on, but Aaron finds himself saying, “I can watch him.”

Robert looks at him surprised. “Are you sure?”

“I have watched babies before,” Aaron points out.

“Yeah, I know,” the older man says shaking his head. “It’s just… I know Seb was one of the reasons we broke up.”

He says the last part quietly, a clear painful reminder — and one that hurts Aaron just as much to hear it. But as the emotional sting dissipates, he realises he’s not so averse to idea of spending time with Robert’s son as he used to be.

“I said I’d be a good friend to ya,” he insists, facing Robert. “And good friends watch each other’s kids.”

Robert’s response to this is an unsure smile, which Aaron counters with a reassuring one of his own. He knows how much the other man values being clean and well-dressed — of which he is currently _neither_ — so he adds, “I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t mean it.”

And just like that, Robert’s resolve crumbles.

“If anything happens, I’ll be right upstairs,” he speedily informs Aaron. “If he wakes up, there’s a bottle in the fridge and a pot of water on the stove, so just heat it in that. Nappies are under the dining table. If he starts fussin’, just hold him close, he likes that-”

“Robert,” Aaron interrupts. “You’re goin’ for a shower, not a holiday.”

The reminder works, as the other man relaxes — somewhat. “Just call me if anything happens, yeah?”

“ _Go_.” Aaron urges him again. “Before the smell wakes _him_ up.” 

Robert flashes him one last grateful smile before walking past him and rushing up the stairs.  
 

:::::

 

Unsure what to do, Aaron sits and skims the first few pages of _It_ for a few minutes. Realising it’s not really his thing — though he _did_ enjoy the movie — he decides to try and make himself useful.

First, he checks on Seb, who is thankfully still fast asleep. So then he decides to tidy the living room — only it appears that Robert’s already done a clean sweep of the space and any clutter he might have taken care of is gone.

That’s when his stomach grumbles — he’d skipped lunch on account of watchin’ the bar — he decides he’ll make them both dinner.

Inspecting the bassinet one more time (still asleep), he heads into the kitchen, already more than familiar with the place thanks to both his years-long friendship with Adam, and his previous relationship with Robert.

As he goes about assembling two sandwiches, he feels an ache in his chest as he notes barely opened or half full containers of his best friend’s favourite condiments around the small room — not unlike that untouched jar of Grey Poupon mustard still sitting in his fridge courtesy of ex-husband. It seems like Victoria’s also having a tough time letting go.

When he’s done, he brings the finished products to the dining table, before turning to his left to check on the napping infant (who remains fast asleep).

“You know, you really are cute,” he tells Seb.

It’s funny, but it really does not hurt his heart to look at the baby anymore. Instead, he’s finding that he can see small traces of Robert in him, something he’d always imagined for their own kids together (they’d have Robert’s eyes and his smile). And just like earlier, Aaron finds that he isn’t overwhelmed with a feeling of sadness and disappointment when thinking of having a family with the older man — a far cry from a couple of months ago, when he could hardly stand to look at Rebecca and her swollen belly.

His thoughts are interrupted by a familiar stomp pattern making its way down the stairs. As promised, Robert Sugden has taken one of his speedier showers — a brisk five-to-ten-minute wash instead of his usual 10-to-15-minute affair.

When he rounds the corner, Aaron sees that he’s dressed again. But his disappointment at losing the sight of Robert sans a shirt, is replaced with the pleasure of seeing him in one of his favourites (the same blue one he’d been wearing in the pub earlier, the one that brings out his eyes), now freshly laundered.

“Don’t look now, but your father’s turned into a country squire again,” Aaron tells Seb teasingly, his voice low, a slight growl entering towards the end. 

Robert smiles and rolls his eyes, still buttoning his cuffs. “Don’t you start again. Don’t need this one givin’ me guff the moment he learns to talk.”

Aaron marvels at the fact that Robert can even look ahead to a time when his son can talk. Robert joins him by the bassinet, gazing down at Seb with a fond look in his eye.

“Sometimes I can’t believe he’s real.”

Maybe because he senses his father’s presence, the infant wiggles, moving his arms a bit before finally opening his eyes. He stares up at both men, slightly sleepy, but still alert as ever. It’s a look Aaron’s seen in the man next to him several times, and the resemblance is startling in its realisation.

“He’s got your eyes,” Aaron comments.

“Yeah, that’s what Vic said too,” Robert says, reaching out a finger to stroke Seb’s cheek. He lets out a gurgle reaching his little fist up towards his father’s hand. His voice is somewhat softer, and a little higher as he directs his next words to the baby, “You alright with that? You alright with looking like Daddy?”

Aaron smiles at the thought of a tiny version of Robert running around the village, breaking hearts before he’s even 10.

“I should probably put you back in some clothes before you catch a cold,” Robert says that half to Seb, half to himself, as he reaches under his arms to remove a now-clean _Star Wars_ onesie that Aaron hadn’t noticed at all.

 _Probably because you were tryin’ to stare your way through that shirt_.

“Isn’t he a bit young for that?” Aaron jokes, noting the little prints of a round orange and white droid that pepper the otherwise white article of clothing.

Robert just gives him a deathly serious look. “ _No one_ is too young for _Star Wars_.”

The younger man holds his tongue, remembering the way Robert had camped out at his laptop eager to purchase _Rogue One_ tickets for opening day. ( _“You don’t get it_ Aaron _. We’re going to be watching a new Star Wars movie in a cinema.” “Can’t we go for a later show?” “And let Jimmy spoil it for us. Not a chance.”_ )

Before he can say anything else though, Robert’s spotted the sandwiches on the table behind him. “Aaron. You didn’t have to.”

He turns to look at him with a soft expression of gratitude on his face — and just the _slightest_ trace of relief; another item on his To Do list now scratched off.

“Just figured you might be hungry,” he says with a shrug. “Hope you don’t mind, but I made myself one too.”

Robert looks back at the table, and Aaron realises he hadn’t noticed the second sandwich sitting there, slightly to the side.

“Wasn’t sure if you’d feel like company,” he adds lamely.

The gesture is less about Robert — who’s _never_ had a problem dining by himself — and more about Aaron wanting to spend a little more time with him. He’d never tell anyone this, but it’s nice talking to someone who already knows his shorthand and doesn’t require him to say more than he feels like — especially now that Adam’s gone. With Alex, it feels like he’s always expected to share something or comment on something they’ve just done or watched and sometimes it’s exhausting having to do so.

A big grin spreads across Robert’s face as he nods.

“Company would be nice.”  
 

:::::

 

They don’t eat right away. Aaron takes a seat at the dining table as Robert deftly clothes Seb in his latest outfit — yet another thing he hadn’t expected to see until they’d been married at least three years.

“I was so nervous the first time I did this,” he tells Aaron, his voice so low that the younger man almost misses it. “I kept thinking I might break him or hurt him if I used too much force.”

He zips up the front.

“But then Diane reminded me that babies are a lot tougher than I was giving them credit for.”

“Well, he’s your son,” Aaron pipes up. “So he’s definitely gonna be tough.”

Robert pauses and looks up, a little surprised. But then he smiles and turns his attention back to Seb again. “Yeah, I reckon he is.”

Seb vocalises a little, almost in agreement.

“Looks like he’s gonna talk as much as you too,” Aaron jokes.

“I won’t mind,” Robert says, lifting the infant into the crook of his arm without taking his eyes off him. And just like that, Aaron’s possessed by another flash of desire.

It’s dumb and it makes no sense because he’s never really been into all that domestic stuff — even when they were together, that was Robert’s purview. (Or as Vic has once told him kindly, “You just have different love languages.”) But somehow, seeing the man he once pictured having kids with actually being a doting dad to an infant does something for him now.

Again, he does his best to shove those feelings away. He’s with Alex now, and Robert’s got Seb to focus on. And besides, it’s probably just his residual reaction to seeing (and touching) his shirtless ex-husband shirt not less than half an hour ago.

 _Yeah, but Alex never gets you_ this _excited_ , says the pesky voice deep inside his head.

“Mmm. Roast beef,” Robert says, taking a bite. “Nice.”

He chews and swallows. “Vic keeps makin’ cheese and onion, and the most I usually have time for is jam on toast.”

He’s placed Seb back down in his little bassinet, which he’s moved closer, so he can extend his left arm into it, thus allowing him to keep in constant contact with his son.

“I wasn’t sure if she was gonna use it,” Aaron explains, his cheeks turning a slight shade of pink at the thoughts that were running through his head a few seconds ago. “But I know it’s one of your favourites.”

It isn’t _the_ favourite — that would be the classic bacon butty (just like him) — but he knows it’s up there, right up there beside smoked salmon and avocado, and regular tuna salad.

Robert continues to look touched. But then he frowns, “Aren’t you going to eat?”

The younger man just leans forward and takes a bite in response.

They sit there in companionable silence, Robert chewing his way through one of his two triangles, Aaron munching his way through a whole sandwich.

“I feel like we’re always talking about me,” the older man says, moving to switch Seb over to his other arm. “How are _you_ doing?”

Aaron just shrugs. “Me? I’m doing fine.”

“Aaron, you just said bye to Adam, possibly forever, a few weeks ago. And you’re saying you’re doing fine now?” He fixes him with a pointed look. “Who’s the liar now?”

Aaron sighs. “It’s just… I dunno. It’s like, most days I’ll be goin’ about my day doin’ stuff, and everything’ll be okay, but then suddenly I’ll just remember that _he_ won’t be there. And it’s not like I can just text or call him, can I?”

He finds that once he’s started he can’t stop. “Like today, I was at the yard for a bit this mornin’ and a client called about a pick up she wanted to schedule and I realised that Adam’s never going to do that run ever again. It’s just gonna _always_ be me from now on.”

Robert nods, and Aaron realises he doesn’t have to worry about him getting it.

“And it’s not like it hurts,” he continues. “It’s just kind of empty-feelin’.”

“You know, I kind of miss him too,” Robert shares. “When he and Vic were a couple I was always gettin’ in their way. But he was always polite about it. Even when I walked in on him the shower a couple of times.”

Aaron lets out a laugh.

“Shows what you know. He had a right good moan to me after one of those,” he says, his face lighting up at the memory. “Said he’d pay for you to move out himself.”

Robert laughs at that. “He wished. You know _I’m_ the only reason he got to watch so much boxing? It’s ‘cause I’d watch all of Vic’s shows with her.”

Aaron remembers that. Every other Thursday, Robert would beg off work, saying Vic needed his help with something on her afternoon off, and suggesting that maybe Adam and Aaron hang out instead. He knows the older man would never admit it, but he secretly enjoyed spending time with his younger sister, and geeking out about _Bake Off_ — especially since neither Aaron nor Liv were big fans.

Robert’s expression gets a little serious. “But I really do miss him. He may have never liked _me_ much, but I liked that he really stuck by you… through everything.”

Aaron nods in appreciation. “He said the same thing about you a couple of times. He may not have seemed like it, but he did stick up for you an awful lot whenever we were rowing.”

“You sure he wasn’t just trying to get me to move out?” Robert quips. But his face quickly becomes serious. “I heard him defend me to _Vic_ once. She was actually on _your_ side for once.”

“We all do crazy things sometimes,” Aaron responds with a somewhat sad smile.

They go back to eating quietly, their silence punctuated by the occasional babble from Seb.  


:::::

 

After a few stops and starts where they discuss everything from the new series of _Doctor Who_ ( _“So, the Doctor’s a woman now…”_ ) and Aaron’s boxing training ( _“Decided to focus on running for a bit. At least until Zak is free to train me again.”_ ), to Chas and Paddy’s relationship ( _“As long as they’re happy, I s’pose…”_ ) and adjusting to living with Gerry ( _“He’s a bit much sometimes, but he means well.”_ ), Robert finally seems to work up the nerve to ask:

“So how’s everything going with Alex?”

“Good.” Aaron says, eager to get away from the topic of discussing the man he’s currently seeing with the man he was once married to.

“And Liv. Everything alright with her?” There’s a relief in Robert’s voice as he touches on the subject of Aaron’s younger sister. “Her maths teacher still giving her any trouble?”

Aaron smiles at the reminder of Robert and Liv’s study sessions where they’d spend the entire time griping about the other’s annoying habits, only to resume their session each week.

“Yeah,” he replies. “She’s still plenty gobby, but she did well on her end of term of exams.”

He’s surprised both by the bright smile that shows up on Robert’s face at the news, the older man _genuinely_ proud of his younger sister’s success — and by the wave of lust it inspires in him. (The words, _“If she’s important to you, she’s important to me.”_ playing in his head as he imagines leaning forward, his knee bumping into Robert’s thigh as he kisses him.)

But as it fades — _ever so slightly_ — he’s just left with the older man finishing the last of his sandwich.

Aaron clears his throat and stands up.

“I can do the washing up.”

“You sure?” Robert teases. “You’ve never offered before.”

 _I wasn’t trying to_ avoid _ripping your clothes off then._

Aaron’s hands are filled with the memory of impatiently, yet carefully unbuttoning Robert’s shirts after a hard day at the scrapyard — or better still, after the blonde had showered and dressed, in a rush to head to some meeting, but _still_ allowing himself to be tempted. He can still tell which shirt Robert’s wearing by the feel of the buttons alone.

“Yeah, well you’ve got your hands full now,” Aaron explains, picking up both their plates and heading to the kitchen. The distance between them is a help, but having a physical barrier is better.

He sweeps any remaining scraps into a little manure pail by the sink before rinsing both plates. He then reaches for the sponge, dipping it in the liquid soap. He’s just picked up the first dish when he feels some movement behind him. He turns to see Robert heating some water on the stove. Noticing Aaron noticing him he simply says, “It’s almost time to feed him.”

And then a second later, “You _do not_ want to see him hungry. He’s almost as bad as _you_.”

“Not my fault I like to be fed on time,” Aaron retorts. “Not all of us can afford to have bohemian lunch hours.”

“Don’t think you can call _half an hour_ late ‘bohemian,’” Robert argues, testing the milk on the back of his hand.

“Well, it sounds like Seb’s with _me_ on this one,” Aaron retorts nodding at the bottle in Robert’s hands, before turning back to carefully soap the other plate. It’s all he can do to not focus on the fact that Robert Sugden is mere inches away from him at the moment.

“And yet, I've had fewer tears from _him_ ,” the older man fires back in a playful tone.

“To be fair, all _he_ drinks is milk,” Aaron jokes, turning on the tap to rinse both plates. “He’s never had one of Vic’s custard tarts. Wait till he’s older. You’ll never hear the end of it.”

He places both dishes on the rack next to the sink and turns around, only to find himself face to face with Robert — and in much closer proximity than he’d like.

Judging by the look on Robert’s face, this wasn’t what _he_ was expecting either…

Aaron feels his heart rate speed up, his eyes drifting from Robert’s own, down to his lips like twin magnets moving of their own accord. A quick look upwards reveals that the other man is just as preoccupied with Aaron’s mouth; a sight that makes his mouth immediately run dry. As he swallows, in an effort to moisten his throat, he sees Robert lick his lips, and just like that his ex-husband triggers a surge of lust headed straight to his groin. Aaron tries not to compare his reaction here with that of his to Alex two days ago, the doctor leaning in to kiss him goodnight (a clear prelude to other activities), but the difference is literally night and day.

Their eyes meet once again, neither one blinking. It feels like both an eternity and not enough time at all. 

Aaron can feel himself begin to lean forward, no longer in control of what his body is doing. All he knows is that he wants to kiss Robert Sugden — and judging by the way Robert Sugden is also leaning in, he wouldn’t mind kissing him back.

Only he doesn’t go all the way. He just hovers there, millimeters away, his lips barely grazing Aaron’s and his breath gently tickling Aaron’s face.

Aaron’s eyes look up as they search the older man’s face, and he can see that as much as Robert wants this — his eyes have gone dark and his pupils are dilated as they remain trained on Aaron’s lips — he’s not letting himself go any further. Instead, he just swallows, and whispers, “Thanks for all your help today.”

“It's nothin’…” He manages to answer, still feeling a pull, though he’s doing his best to exercise the same level of self-restraint. “Just helpin’ out a mate.”

He almost regrets saying that word, because it seems to be the galvanising push that Robert’s been waiting for as he nods and moves back — or as far back as Vic’s tiny kitchen will allow him.

“I’ll see ya later then,” he acknowledges, not making eye contact anymore.

“Uh, yeah.” Aaron nods, trying his best to get his body under control. “Later.”

He turns to exit, brushing past Robert as he does so… But the arm he’s hoping will shoot out and grab his own — before pulling him into a searing kiss — doesn’t come. He would be proud of his ex-husband’s self-control if not for his body’s clear frustration at the situation.

 _Of all the days for Robert Sugden to develop some restraint_.

Aaron looks back as he opens the front door and sees that at least he’s not the only one affected by this situation; Robert’s leaning against the counter, eyes closed as he forces his body to calm down, Seb’s bottle since forgotten.

The younger man steps out the front door and closes it behind him. He leans on it, allowing the brisk evening air to alleviate some of the tension from his body, before finally bothering to pull out his phone. Unlocking it, he sees that there are at least five text messages and one voice message from Alex asking about coming over later that night.

He doesn’t even think as he replies.

 _When can you get here?  
_  

:::::

 

Later as he lies in bed with Alex asleep next to him, Aaron feels the _tiniest_ flutter of guilt for what he’s done. But then he thinks of Adam and Leeds and the look in Robert’s eyes as he forced himself to step back and its replaced with that dull ache that’s taken residence in his chest ever since the week after his birthday. 

What Alex doesn’t know won’t hurt him… right?

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to go up a week ago, only for the life of me, I could not figure out how it should end. Obviously, there is one now, but I'm not quite sure how pleased I am with it. Also not too sure about the turn it ends up taking or even what I was really going for (a shirtless fix it scene? prelude to ex-sex? a kiss kicking off the reunion? all of the above?!). It was always meant to go full circle with Aaron fancying the pants off (pun intended) Robert towards the end, but I'm not sure if I nailed it — or the general tension between them. Depending on the comments I might really take another stab at rewriting this. (I will say I am leaning away from them actually kissing because I think it speaks to Robert's attempts to grow and be better as per what he told Aaron on Christmas and I want to honour that.) 
> 
> That said, I absolutely LOVE writing Gerry. I don't know how the ED writers aren't tempted to include him in every storyline. Well, probably because they have better self-control than me.)
> 
> As always, apologies for mentioning Rebecca and Seb, I know they’re not everyone’s thing, but both of them are such a big part of Aaron and Robert's interactions lately it felt weird NOT including them. That said, I hope I got the voices and the tone and everything else right. (If I got any actual factual/show details wrong, please let me know!) 
> 
> If you have any other thoughts, comments, questions, or concerns, drop me a line below or find me on tumblr under rustandruin.


End file.
